When a Friend Comes to You for Help
Know Who You Are! Your personality type may not be the best counselor personality. "Get a life!" may be appropriate but not what the person needs to hear at that moment.
Know The Family Situation! There are three important issues - What is the Family Type -- What are the individual types in the family -- What life stage is happening to the family.
Know the Problem! If you are not willing to listen to the entire history behind the immediate problem don't start.
Know the Language of Helping! Talk about boundaries, disequilibrium, dependency, etc.
Know the Art of Listening! Use reflective listening techniques. If in doubt -- Shut-up.
Know the Person's Faith System! Realize that another community of people may be available to help your friend. If they don't attend a church or synagogue. Know what they believe about luck or fate or life in general.
Know the Principle of Small Steps! It took years, probably, for your friend to work into the current problem -- don't expect it to change overnight.
Know the Principle of Change! You can only change yourself - you cannot change another person.
Know When to Refer! Don't go "over-your-head" or if you don't have the time to spend with the friend - don't start. A friend who is hurting will appreciate your honesty better than your bad advise.
